My U.S. Navy veteran daughter was wounded during the Iraq War and suffered unimaginably for years. She sought peace through suicide and found it in February 2020. She's one of untold military service members and veterans who consider this path toward release from their trauma and pain, one of 25 US service members/vets who take their lives every day.
Sometimes an issue can’t be put off any longer. We have to address it. Our families have to have The Talk. You know the ones; President Biden mentioned one of them in his 2023 State of the Union address: The talk about being Black in the United States.
He also touched on another vital talk: The one about how easy it can seem for U.S. military service members and veterans to escape pain and trauma through suicide.
Will you be part of our national conversation about preventing military suicides? President Biden stated that there are 25 of these deaths every day in the United States. It’s definitely time for us to have The Talk with our families and communities. If we can eliminate that statistic of 25 suicides a day or lower it by even one, we will soothe the turbulent ripples of pain, grief and trauma experienced by far, far too many.
February is tough on our family. This February marked the third year since my daughter Yasemin finally succumbed to trauma, pain and despair and took her life. She died February 16, 2020, on the cement floor of her tiny house in Kingston, Jamaica, hours after she began ingesting pills and alcohol to throw aside her agony. It was not her first try; she’d survived at least 25 other attempts or suicidal gestures since she left the Navy in 2005; eight of those attempts were in her first year after being wounded. But this time her pain-wracked body just couldn’t come back from the brink.
Since Yasemin’s death, our family has talked with scores of her former U.S. Navy shipmates, bootcamp buddies and comrades from other branches of the armed forces who also struggle with thoughts of suicide. In a conversation about my daughter’s car, my insurance agent broke into tears telling about her family’s ongoing fight to protect her U.S. Army veteran sister from taking her life.
This is an appallingly common concern among so many military families.
So common that President Joe Biden spoke in his 2023 State of the Union address about the average of 25 military service members and veterans who take their lives every day.
This is not an acceptable risk for a nation’s military and military communities. Or for the family and friends whose lives are torn apart by this unexpected but frighteningly common sorrow.
It is time. Let’s make the commitment to prevent military suicides and provide means for hope for our military service members, veterans and family members.
My friend Tony Cope, cofounder of Myriad, a video agency here in Raleigh, North Carolina, is offering his short film about military suicide to anyone interested in watching or showing it. It’s the second film in Myriad’s original series “Voicemails to My Future Self."
Neither of the brief “Voicemails to My Future Self” films is easy to watch, as both tackle difficult cultural topics head-on. “Volume 2”, internally titled “Wingman,” is a gut-punch about the importance for military members and vets—and anyone else who’s struggling—to have a plan to securely store firearms so they cannot be used on an impulse that many of them (and us) have to fight sometimes. Maybe often. Maybe every day.
If you have just 6 minutes, watch “Voicemails to My Future Self, Vol. 2,” made in collaboration retired USMC Master Sergeant Michael “Top” Washington, who lost his USMC son in the Afghanistan War and in the wake of his son’s death found himself thinking of taking his own life. Top has transformed his pain into purpose by leading the battle against military suicides. We can join Top in this effort, starting with having The Talk.
[Warning: This film doesn’t sneak up on the issue of military suicides, though it does provide hope for making it through a crisis. It’s difficult to watch. Give yourself a heartbeat before clicking PLAY.]
The reason Myriad’s new video is called “Voicemails to My Future Self, Vol. 2” is because it is part of its community spotlight on tough conversations that we have no choice but to have with our loved ones.
Just as does “Volume 2,” the first film in the series also aligns with President Biden’s State of the Union. It showcases the battle that young Black boys face with police encounters as they grow into men. “Voicemails to My Future Self: Vol 1” was made in collaboration with poet, writer and professor Javon Johnson and brings his poem “’cuz he’s black” to life.
As a grandmother raising her Black teen grandson in the wake of his finding his own mother’s body on her bedroom floor three years ago, I’ve been having both of these vital talks. These films make it easier to start them. We are survivors, and we are two of millions, and we will be stronger, more resilient because we talk about the terrifyingly important things.
Tony and I will be hosting a series of community town halls throughout this spring and summer in folks’ homes, places of worship and civic halls. We’re teaming up with experts on mental health and preventing self-harm among military community members to provide resources and the comfort needed to address a deep, raw and ragged hurt. We’ll cry together. We’ll heal. We’ll do what we can to prevent even just one more gravestone like my Yasemin’s.
Please join us in spirit, if not in a town hall.
Have The Talk.
If you’d like information about sponsoring a community showing of “Voicemails to My Future Self” volume 1 or 2, reach out to tony[at]myriad[dot]video or kim[dot]yaman[at]gmail. Tony Cope and I will work with you to start some key conversations.
